The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up The essential female companion from the first moment he walks out of your life! The Girls' Guide to Surviving a Break-Up offers step-by-step advice for getting over him.

The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart Finally a book of poetry that describes every emotion you go through when you are in love and heart broken. This book is amazing and wonderful. I recommend it to who ever loves poetry and ever had a broken heart.

He's Just Not That Into You (The Newly Expanded Edition): The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys It seems like everywhere you turn the phrase "He's just not that into you" is being thrown around. And for good reason! The ladies are finally done waiting by the phone - hey, why sit at home for the phone to ring when it's so obvious that he's just not that into you?

Women Men Love, Women Men Leave: What Makes Men Want to Commit? In easy psychological terms, this book helps a woman understand why a man may react negatively to her even when she feels she's doing everything right for a relationship. With different female personalities portrayed, the reader will find themselves fitting one or more of the profiles.

Being Alone: Friend or Foe?

By Dawn Lipthrott, MSW, LCSW

The house is empty. It's Saturday. No sounds. No other people. You have a fleeting memory of good times spending weekends with someone you loved. But on this day you're alone. You pick up the phone--but who do you call? What are you going to say? You are alone today--like you were last night, like you will be tomorrow.

Being alone and loneliness are concerns both for singles and for couples. Some of you might feel lonely in your marriage. I often hear of a spouse feeling lonely because his or her partner works late hours or because even when they are together, there is no meaningful contact.

On the other hand, I know single people who live alone, yet have rich, vibrant lives. They rarely, if ever, feel lonely.

Aloneness:

Within every marriage, friendship, family relationship, having some 'alone' time is essential. For example, when you first fall in love, you do everything together. You want to spend every moment together. However, to develop a strong and lasting relationship, you need time and space for yourself. Gibran, the great poet says, "A tree cannot grow in the shade of another. Therefore let there be spaces in your togetherness." Without aloneness, closeness can begin to feel smothering.

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Aloneness is a gift. Many people are searching for ways to create 'down time' in their hectic lives. It can be a time of getting back to your Self, of re-centering, of coming home to your own life. Most sacred traditions, Eastern, Western, and Native recognize the need we have for this time. Jewish tradition says: "A person who cannot have an hour for him/herself a day, is not really a person."

So the first step is to create a space for the gift of aloneness. Think first about what you can do with this time and space. Is it time to read, to meditate, to play with the computer, to go fishing--or just to relax in your favorite spot? How would you like to use this alone time?

You may plan an activity in that alone time. If you are caught up in doing, doing, doing, I would encourage you to plan some time just to be-to relax--and not feel like you have to fill it with some activity in order to make the most of it. Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do!

If you are in relationship, see how you can create this alone time and place for each partner. Talk about it. Respect the need for breathing room in each person.

Loneliness:

When you find 'alone' time repeatedly turning into 'loneliness' and negative feelings about your self, others, or life, then it's time to do something different.

If you are in a marriage or committed relationship and you're feeling lonely, talk with your partner to help him or her understand how you experience it. First think of the times, places you feel most lonely. What do you think in those times? What do you feel in those times? What do you most fear in that place of loneliness? What can you do to change one piece of that? What is one small step your partner could take to help you?

If you're afraid to bring up the subject, or if you try and it goes nowhere or gets worse, get the help of a trained counselor to help you explore it and find out what you both can do differently that can make it more fulfilling for each partner in the relationship.

As a single, if you find loneliness always 'there'--even after you've asked yourself those questions and have tried to do some of the suggestions that follow, you, too, may benefit from some brief counseling.

Some Positive Ways to Use Alone Time:

Meditate/pray (there are many forms!), write, read, walk, create, think, enjoy nature, spend time with a hobby or relaxing activity, learn something new, listen to music and relax, work in the garden, soak in a bath/hot tub/pool, etc.

A Few Negative Ways to Use Alone Time:

Feel sorry for yourself, blame others or yourself for being alone, go over and over negative events, believe you can never enjoy yourself unless you're with other people, consider yourself worthless and undesirable, etc.

Do Something Different!

If you find yourself getting into negative ways of being alone, or feeling 'lonely', here are a few things you can do in addition to the positive ways of using alone time:

1) Become proactive. Know that you do not have to be powerless over your loneliness or your life. Do the work to change your mindset and your life. If you need help, look at the self-help section of bookstore or library, and if necessary, find a counselor who will help you reclaim your own power and change patterns that keep you from getting what you want.

2) Meet new people. Join a group with whom you share a common interest (reading group, stamp collectors, joggers, etc.) or take a course. There are many groups and seminars in the community and in religious traditions that cover a variety of interests. Tell people what you're interested in and ask if they know of any groups that are meeting. If you are 55 or over, Elderhostel offers excellent courses all over the country. They are fun, informative, and friendships are often made. Several are offered regularly in the Orlando area. The participants are sharp, active, alive and offer a lot to the programs in addition to what you receive from the instructors.

3) Take a leadership role in any organization that you belong to. Offer your knowledge, time, talent to move your favorite organization forward.

4) Renew old friendships. Sometimes we grow apart just because people get caught up in the busyness of life. Making a conscious effort to renew friendships, or develop a friendship with someone you've met is an important resource. Call, write, or e-mail someone you haven't contacted for a while (even if it's 'their turn'!)

5) Volunteer your time to help someone else. Once a week in our local paper, the Orlando Sentinel you can find a list of groups who are seeking volunteers.

6) Look at your own behavior. What might be ways you might be rejecting of other people (even though you believe they reject you!)? How might your other behaviors (criticism, sarcasm focusing on the negative, monopolizing a person's time, etc.) be uncomfortable for the other person? Commit to doing at least one thing different.

7) Enjoy YOURSELF! Make a list of your strengths, skills, qualities, accomplishments in life. Those are gifts you have to offer others. It does not help you or the world to deny them or hoard them. If you don't like being with you, figure out why and do something to become the person you would like to spend time with.

8) Examine expectations. How much do you expect from other people--friends and family? Could you be expecting the impossible or too much? Do you expect one person to take away your loneliness? Do expect them to spend more time with you than they are willing or able to give? Placing such burdens on others tends to drive them away!

9) Start a journal. Explore your thoughts and feelings about being alone and anything else that comes up for you. Getting them on paper helps!

10) Let go of past relationships. If you are caught emotionally in an old relationship that has ended, do the work of emotional closure. Until you can fully say good-bye to the past, you will be enslaved by it.

11) Get a pet. Find an animal that you can care for, that responds to you. Make sure you find one that requires only the level of care you are willing to provide!

12) Take care of and nurture something -- flowers, an herb garden, a project, or a pet.

13) Rearrange your room, your surroundings to make them more pleasurable, bright, or cozy. Make where you live a place you like to be!

14) Learn something new. Think of something you want to know more about. Take a class, join a group, go to the library, search the Internet. Set yourself a schedule if you have to.

15) Start and keep a Gratitude or Blessing Journal. Each day write at least one thing you are grateful for or that you can see as a blessing in your life.

16) If you are grieving the loss of a someone you loved, be gentle with yourself, take specific actions to help you through the process of grieving. While pain is part of the process, it does not mean that you cannot spend some moments enjoying yourself. Ask a friend or family member to do something with you that you enjoy and then let yourself enjoy it.

Tigress Luv , the Break Up Guru, is the author of How to STOP a Break Up, an instantly available webBook and website, or downloadable ebook, designed to help you STOP or reverse your break up and get your ex back, and How to Get Over a Break Up, also an instantly available online webBook and website, or ebook download, designed to help you understand and heal from a broken heart . Both are available on this site and are free when you join our breakup recovery community.